A Case of the Giggles.
The last year of my life has been an insane roller coaster ride. It has been one of the happiest of my life despite the fact that every possible bad thing could have happened to us. My son almost died, I was hospitalized and put on severe bed rest suddenly resulting in an early unpaid maternity leave, my husband was hospitalized and kept out of work because of Gastritus caused by Helicobacter pylori bacteria from the stress of all this resulting in HIM loosing his day job which that massive lack of income had thrown us into a shit storm of debt. We found lead in our home and had to battle it out in court only to be evicted from our house and our car was totaled. Now, both my mother and brother are having major surgery all within a month of each other.
There is not a word big enough to describe the stress we have been under.
I'm ashamed to say that Michael and I started to take things out on our marriage. Agitation and frustrations were bounced off each other and we went from working together to working against each other. It's not that we were fighting so much as not leaning on one another for the support we needed.
There was no yelling. or angry words. just both of us passing each other on the way to pack more boxes or change a baby or heat up another crappy meal in the microwave or make another depressing phone call to a lawyer or bill collector or relative...
"we need just one more favor..."
Thank goodness we have such supportive family.
So now that things are starting to fall into place we are starting to push forward.
Leave the bad behind.
We are back to us.
To focusing on our love.
I feel like we were going round and round and round on some sick Ferris Wheel of stress.
Finally the ride has stopped and my head has ceased it's vertigo like reeling and that awful dizzy feeling has subsided. So I'm ready to relax again.
We have started to relax again.
When you have kids it's like becoming an insta-adult. Instant responsibility. Everything becomes serious and deep and overwhelming and sometimes its just so much.
Being so controlled and having so much you need to control when life refuses to let you just have things your way...well...
The weight of it all can be unbearable.
If only we could learn from children to go with the flow.
Stop trying to hold on so tightly to having control and just let go.
Arms in the air.
Let those feet fly.
Maybe we need to stop trying to be the constant teacher. The professor of life..."
"okay kids this is what ya gotta do and how ya should do it"
Such know it alls us adults.
Maybe we should let our kids lead the way a bit.
There is a lot we could learn from them.
Like how to turn a frown upside down.
How to ignore the bullies in the life.
I'm rubber You're glue...
The other night after a insanely hectic day where every little thing went wrong.
We somehow managed to get the babe into his own crib.
and for the first time in a long time my husband and I cuddled.
Without stresses to discuss or work to talk about.
We just laid in the dark.
Arms and legs intertwined.
chit chatting and shooting the shit about nothing at all.
and then the laughter started.
We both had the most serious case of the giggles.Whispering how unfair life had been lately and how ridiculously, over the top, awful things had gotten at points...most of which have been completely out of our control, for some reason life's unfairness was absolutely fucking hilarious.
and man it felt good. To just throw my head back and laugh. about nothing.
For no real reason other than to hear the deep, throaty sounds of happiness in a dark bedroom.
and after a while we both settled down
and Michael whispered in the dark
"Laughter really is the best medicine"
and it is isn't it?
*pictures from the carnival last weekend. such fun on a budget...more on that later*