Thursday, November 4, 2010
Katy Perry Made Me Cry.
Okay, to start let me begin with this:
I am absolutely not in any way in the midst of any form of baby fever, however, sometimes I get pregnancy
fever. Or better yet, I get pregnancy sick. Homesick for the feeling of my sweet boy loungin in my belly. I miss it. I miss Hendrix inside of me all rolly polly tumbling in my womb.
With that said I am about to publicly admit something I probably shouldn't. The new Katy Perry video? The one below? It made me cry. Weep even. Tears and tears of I'm not sure what came flowing down my cheeks. 99% of the video meant nothing to me but the part at the 2 minute mark, That beautiful woman giving birth...ya, made me sob like a lil sissy.
What a romantic idea. A woman in labor as a firework. and we were weren't we? Fireworks, that is. Bursting and popping with life and force and an energy untouchable. Never have I been more alive than when I was in labor.
Read more after the jump and check out some lovely pregnancy pictures. However, be warned they are not all safe for work.
Pregnancy is nothing like you could ever imagine and yet somehow its EXACTLY like they say it is. The cravings and swollen feet. The toilet hugging and nursery nesting.
All these little landmarks, side road attractions on your way through this journey.
Documented in journals and baby books and photos taken.
It's such a curious time. Never knowing what's up ahead and I scoured every book I could find looking for predictions and answers.
The suspense and magic of it all.
I miss that.
A switched flipped when I became pregnant. I became something else. People talk about the change that happens when you have kids and yes, they mean the never ending needs of someone else that are to be put before your own, but mostly I think they mean the BIG change.
The DNA altering change that takes place the second they place that gooey wand on your stomach, or that baby in your arms, or whenever the moment was when it clicked that you were a parent.
Nothing in me will ever be the same. If I had words for what happened to me that day i'd be the most accomplished writer in all the land 'cause lets face it, there is no way to describe to any other human how much of me disappeared and
how much of me came to life.
Love takes so many shapes and forms. It shifts and changes and yet the love you have for that tiny being inside of you is steadfast and strong. The moment I laid eyes on that tiny heartbeat, I was head over heals. I did all that I could to protect and pamper. Holding my purse fiercely in front of me as we walked through crowds. Choking down salads while daydreaming about piles of bacon. Humming lullabies and sliding my hand down that smooth curve.
How I long for the days where I rested my tea cup on my belly. Where I laid in cool baths watching the water ripple for his tiny movements. Where I read to him, sang to him, over and over. Where I wrote him letters and read the ones my mother had written to me.
I had never felt so full.
Literally, yes but that's not what I mean.
So full of trust and compassion. Needed and loved. Bright and powerful.
I don't know what it is about pregnancy but it connects us. It connects us with women we don't know, women we have nothing in common with.
A movement or an energy, perhaps.
It's that something you can not explain or put in a box or store on a shelf.
It's like the wind. you cant grab it and hold it in your hand but every once in a while it comes with all its might and it knocks you on my ass.
it's there when I see another pregnant woman and I want to run over and hug her big belly.
When I watch ANYTHING to do with birth on TV and burst into tears like giant pansy.
Somehow I am right there with that Mama.
Whispering in her ear.
Holding back her hair.
Griping her hand.
Like I said, it connects us all.
I've written before about how I will always feel Hendrix inside of me. His pregnancy seems to always be in the back of my mind. Tiny reminders are everywhere. It it hard to even picture a time when he was inside of me. I try to imagine him floating in there. Try to connect the dots that those little kicks came from the same feet he toddles around the house with. It's such a large idea, a massive thought it's hard to even comprehend.
It is not lost on me just how much pregnancy can SUCK at times. Trust me, I remember the tears and frustration of having no control over my own body but those moments were fleeting compared to all the happiness it brought.
So my lovely readers I want to know...
do you miss being pregnant? Why or why not?
ALL photos are from HERE