Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Role Models

I don't have a little girl. I have some idea the fears a parent has for a girl growing into a woman in our society. The definition of self respect has seemingly shifted and changed. All of a sudden it is not only cool but feministic to behave promiscuously or to drink heavily.A lot of young girls think its empowering to be, well, "one of the boys".  Lady like is out the window and our teens are being told it's cool to act like a horny, drunk frat boy. Like I said, I don't have a girl, I have a boy. So from my perspective I fear about my son's view on woman. How he will treat them? How do I instill it in him to say no when a drunk girl comes on to him? That its better to wait till her mind is in a better state.  How do I instill in him to turn a girl around on the dance floor so he can look in her eyes instead of letting her grind her tush all up on him?  What kind of girl is he going to bring home to me? The woman I look up to and aspire to be like are vastly different that what's being pushed by the media.

It's a scary world for the parents of daughters. Its scary for mothers of sons as well, trying to raise a boy into a man who will NOT perpetuate the demise of self respect and dignity. This is not to say I don't expect my kid to party. He will. I am sure of it. and party on Wayne. Hell, I sure had my fair share of crazy nights and morning hangovers but how do I get him to not cross that line? I was no saint and is it hypocritical for me to encourage better behavior than I myself had? Its funny how parenthood turned me into a bit of square. I feel kind of old saying this but I don't get kids these days! What are they thinking?

Let's take this video for example from a girl group called The Millionaires. They are working the whole "I'm skanky and I don't care thing" pretty hard. Now a few years ago? I would have been all *shrugs shoulders* whatever makes you happy. In fact, at age 18 I probably would have been into this band. I was never one to judge. But now that I'm a mom I almost can't help but feel bad for their parents. I know, I know, that sounds very judgmental, and really it's not that I think they are bad people but if those were my daughters my heart would break. The whole video is them singing about their drunken escapades, heck, the song is even kinda catchy. Aesthetically, the girls are super cute and I love a good old fashion rebellious teen. BUT somehow they crossed this line into porn references and blatant drug use. No one wants to see their kids in those situations.  What is this telling the 13 year old girl watching this? or the 13 year old boy? That woman just wanna f**k and drink?

 P.S. NOT safe for work.

 It seems that young girls went from empowering themselves and displaying a "I don't give a f**k" attitude to out rightly singing about disrespecting themselves. While I encourage a girl to take charge of her sex life and to be in control of it I certainly don't think that in order to do so you have to sing about your "bomb ass pussy" (their words not mine) and the multiple dudes that are up in it. Even more main stream artists like Katy Perry (who I actually kind of like) and Kesha (who I definitely do NOT like) are mainly singing about being blackout drunk. Paris Hilton has made a career out of being a party girl. WHAT HAPPENED TO CHARITY WORK PEOPLE? Where are the Audrey Hepburns of this generation?

Dear Henry, Please dont bring this home to mommy:

or this

or this...whatever this may be...

Dear gaaawwwdd, NO.

I hope that my son sees woman as people, not objects. I want him to fall in love with someone who has the capacity to really love him back. Someone with intelligent thoughts, and the courage to speak them. I hope she can hold her own, pave her own way, make up her own rules. I hope she will take care of her body, take care of her soul. I hope she will have pride and self confidence. I hope she will be humble and generous. I certainly hope that she is NOTHING like most of the girls in the media today.

 How do I counteract what is constantly surrounding him in the news, magazines, and all over the internet? 


  1. I am definitely worried about this with raising my daughter. I hope that my husband and I working diligently to raise a well adjusted proper lady wins over the influence of the media and her peers. I too ask myself how do we counteract this? I don't want to shield her from internet use, movies, magazines ect. But I think moderation is key. Less indoor time surrounded by these things, more nature time learning how to interact with beings, human and not. That's all I can think of right now.

  2. And this is why I am scared to bring my daughter into this world! I couldnt believe that song! Do they no have morals?

  3. To be honest, sometimes I HOPE to have a daughter one day so I can teach her the opposite of the trash that's all over the media. To raise her into a WOMAN, a lady, an empowered one at that.
    I think part of it is simply setting the example. As soon as Jack gets to be at an age where dating is being considered I'm totally getting into this with him, in fact I'd like to start this dialog BEFORE, way before he starts dating.
    I'm all for feminism, empowerment, etc, but THAT (acting like a drunk frat boy) is NOT empowering, it's the exact opposite. You're only damaging yourself by acting in that way in the long run. If you want respect you must first respect yourself and unfortunately, girls these days seem to miss that message.

  4. I will probably be the only one to say that I am not worried about raising Scout in this society. There is never a day that passes where I think, oh god I should have done more to protect her today. Never. I know in my heart of hearts that I am raising a daughter full of intelligence, independance, creativity, politeness, passion, love and much more. Ultimatly it will come down to the choices Scout decideds to make on her own. We can guide and teach but we are not them and they are not us.
    I think if you look deep into everyone of these girls and boys, men and women you find discord, disfunction, OR just the plain smarts of sex sells! I have a different outlook on this because I was sheltered from everything in life until I moved out right at 18. I had no idea of drugs, sex, alcohol. I had a curfew of 9pm until the day I moved out and the only things I did involved the church I attend 6 times a week. I didn't know what a condom was. I didn't know, well let's just say I didn't know shit. My parents thought they were protecting me. From everything. Everywhere. In turn they created a monster, not just me but my 2 sisters and 2 brothers. You keep that leash to tight or to loose, it's gonna be bad news. I would never in a million years wish what I had to go through on my daughter, in turn I would never wish any child to live with in home yet absent parents who don't give a shit about them.
    My suggestion would be to do what you think is right. You will never be able to shield him forever. What you can do is turn everything into lessons, even at 1 years old. You teach him all that you know, and then you send him out to find his way.
    I am pretty certain he has got a pretty good teacher on his hands too!

  5. Sometimes I feel so lucky to have a daughter and then I see stuff like that video you posted and I wonder what I've gotten myself into. You're right....a few years ago I would have been like 'Whatevs' and I gotta admit that sometimes I still am like that but lately more and more, I've been thinking about the way women are portraying themselves in the 'media'.
    Here is what exploded and made me start thinking: So this new TV show on MTV "Skins"- everyone has been up in arms over the messages it's sending our youth. I have watched it and gotten sucked in a few times. Ok so- One day I realized my young cousins that look up to me might be watching that stuff....*whoa* I find my cousin's secret twitter acct and read some of the stuff she posting that 'her family doesn't know'. WHOA. It all became very real. That could be my daughter. What the hell am I gonna do? I can't worry about it too much right now- no time for that. All I can do is roll with it and tackle these things as they come, right?
    I have so much hope for my child and I don't know that that will be enough but I can't smother them and over protect. My parents never did that to me and I think I turned out ok :] Yeah my cousin with all that secret stuff she's keeping? Her parents are over protective....They can't help it I guess.