Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Happy First Thanksgiving Little Man!

(Smooshy cuddling with his bear on Thanksgiving)

The day before thanksgiving I started to compile a list of things I am grateful for. Sort of an omage to all that is luck. I have been very…eek!n I fear I will jix myself…lucky. I never thought I would have the life I currently live. A man who loves me, a perfect button of a step son, and now my own little boy. I thought I’d be on my own for the better part of my life. If not forever. And was totally comfortable with that. But now here I am, a mother and wife. And these roles feel so natural.and they came with such ease and contentment. For that I am ultimately and infinitely thankful.

Smooshy had to have some tests done this week to check on his kidneys and bladder to be sure that they were functioning correctly after his traumatic birth. We headed to Children’s Hospital in Boston which I I feel so…uh oh here is that word again..lucky to live only 15 minutes from. We put Smoosh in his Quinny and floated through the lobby which looks more like a Children’s Museum than a hospital. It’s brightly decorated and has an airy, cheerful vibe. We sat in the waiting room and listened to the receptionist sing along with the cartoons on the television and waited for his name to be called. They gave him an ultrasound and he sat through the whole thing quietly.

“Bladder looks gooood…”


“left kidney looks great…”


“right kidney looks prefect”

Ohhh.no. not that word. *jinx* nothing is ever perfect.

That word makes me nervous.

But a good report it was and off we went.

We stopped in the Au Bon Pain in the lobby to grab something to eat and as we were sitting there I started to look around. Like actually LOOK around. After hearing some good news I was able to relax a bit and work my way out of my worry about my baby haze I had been stuck in. I realized I was surrounded by a lot of sadness. Sure the walls were painted a sunny yellow and pictures of Elmo and Big Bird were hung on the wall but the people around us were not sunny.or cheerful.or relieved.

And wow. I am so so so lucky.

The family next to me held their little boy who was bruised and bandaged in his little pjs trying to feed him some apple sauce. Both parents sat there not talking and looking like they hadn’t slept in days.week.maybe months. Because some babies don’t come home from childrens. Because some mamas and papas ate their turkey from the cafeteria .Because some black Fridays were spent buying get well cards in gift shops.

But not mine. I ate with my loved ones. I changed my baby’s diaper near the fireplace to keep him warm. And I took family photos with all of us in them. All of us.

(All of Us. Smoosh taking a break from the boob with Grammy)

I can say those words. And I am thankful.

As we strolled our lil bug out I couldn’t help but all of a sudden look around and notice all the sadness in that lobby.I waited with Smooshy as my hubby pulled the car around. The rain was pouring. I could hear the buzz of the life flight helicopter above and the women to my right quietly cried into her winter coat. The balding teenage girl to my left cuddled up in her bathrobe with a copy of twilight and facebooked on her phone. Just another day...

I almost lost it.

So I got up and walked smooshy back and forth.and I sang to him.

La la lou….my little star sweeper…

To drown out the static around us.

And I am so lucky.

And so so so thankful.

what are you thankful for?


  1. I must be in a crying mood. I know that feeling of holding your breath through a hospital visit, all too well. I also know tht feeling of guilt that your child is going to be ok. Meanwhile, the family next to you going through hell. Knock on wood, we're so blessed. I love reading your blogs. I love that I have someone I can relate too.

  2. Awww. That was really sweet. It's good to remind yourself and give thanks for all that love...never, ever take it for granted.

  3. thanks amy! i cant wait for lil Liberty's bday party...i hear she is walking? so exciting!

  4. this is so touching

  5. Much Luv Dri. diggin your blog even though i dont have a kid of mine own.