Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Great Spank Debate


Angry Baby

Alrighty ladies and gents, I wanna know...

Do you spank?

Time magazine just came out with an article on a recent study that has shown that children who are spanked totally show more signs of aggression, a need for instant gratification for their needs and wants, and a more defiant temperaments, among other things. Grab the latest Time and check it out...it's very interesting. It is the first study that included different controls involving the mother including her age, drug use, and if she contemplated abortion or not. The overall findings were that spanking creates a more hostile child.

I am hardcore against spanking and always have been. It's just not my thing and honestly the thought of harming Smoosh in any way is so heartbreaking, even if it when he is being fresh.
Call me crazy but if your kid hits you and you whack 'em back...errr how are they learning not to hit? I mean I think its common sense. But that's just me.

I was a nanny for young children for years and I think through that I have developed the patience of a saint as well as learned many a technique for discipline.

I know a LOT of people are totally comfortable spanking or do it out of desperation when they just can't take anymore.

So lemme hear it people... this is a judge free forum...do you spank? Why or why not???


  1. I'm the mom that says "man I'd spank that kid" when I see a kid acting like mine..lmao BUT I do NOT spank mine and I'm convinced that's why they act the way they do..lol

    I have spanked my daughter before and it didn't even phase her, so I had to walk away cause then I was real mad. Growing up my mom whipped us always and we were still bad so IMO I dont think spanking helps.

    As when I used to hit my daughters hand and tell her no when she would touch bad things, all it did was teach her how to hit me back.

    I don't care if people spank their kids as long as it isn't out of anger, there's a difference.

  2. It is my personal and professional opinion that physical punishment is not only harmful to children, but also ineffective. People constantly use the excuse that they were hit and turned out fine or that they never did "xyz" again after their mom/dad smacked them, but those aren't great proof that spanking is ok to do! Research has long shown the negative effects of spanking.

    Also, anyone who has had a beginning lesson in moral development should realize that spanking is a punishment that will only teach your child to do "xyz bad thing" when he or she will not be caught and punished. Physical punishment does not instill any understanding of right or wrong.

    One of my Early Childhood Education professors phrased it something like this "If you are the adult and cannot handle a situation without resorting to physical punishment, you are now the one having a temper tantrum, not the child"

    Yay not hitting your kids!

  3. Spanking seems to be the ultimate in contradictions..... do as I say not as I do. Our society teaches our children that physically harming another person is wrong and in some cases criminal. It would seem then that hitting your child would utterly confuse them, not to mention create a lack of trust and comfort on part of the child towards the parent.

    That's my two cents;)

  4. We don't really spank. We've tried to once or twice softly to see how he reacted during an intense tantrum one day and he just laughed at us. So, spanking, we've decided, doesn't really work for us or him. We talk to him, use time out, take things away, etc and so far so good.

    I don't think spanking does much as a discipline method. I think it happens out of desperation, like you said.

  5. We will not be spanking because I believe in peaceful parenting. Spanking is not even an option. I do not believe spanking is discipline, and I do not see how it could be in any way positive for a child.

  6. I don't spank, nor will I ever. I was spanked as a child on a few occassions and I turned out ok, but I still don't agree with it. I think there are more effective ways of teaching your children how to behave & obey. Spanking is almost always a result of parental anger instead of discipline, so it's best to walk away and take your own time out if you are on the verge.

    I completely agree that spanking can lead to more aggressive behavior in children. My son threw something at my mom once and she smacked him on the leg. I was SHOCKED! I told her never to hit my child. A few minutes later my son smacked her on the leg and she acted surprised, like why did he hit me? Well, hmmmm ... I guess you just showed him that hitting was ok.

  7. I just wanted to say thank you for posting a discussion about this. I hav been on the fence with this one topic. I'm extremely head strong on every parenting issue but we still hadn't come to a conclusion about our opinion with spanking. This helped shed some light. Thank you!

  8. I was hardcore spanked as a child. I grew up completely fearing my dad because of that. I wasn't an out of control child either. I would get spanked for things like being 13 and wearing a full piece bathing suit but not wearing a long t-shirt over it. I mean seriously. It made me a very timid child, adolescent, teenager and also I think led me into a very abusive relationship that lasted for 7 years. People hit as a form of control.
    I think spanking is like what was mentioned by Aleta, the ULTIMATE contradiction. I am going to spank the shit out of you but I swear to god if you go up and smack a kid I will spank you even harder! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! My dad used to tell me to stop crying while he was hitting me. By hitting I mean spanking. It is the same thing in my opinion.
    All that to say.... NO WAY IN HELLLLLL do I hit Scout. She is being raised in a peaceful, patient, loving environment and I am very proud to say that at 2 years old she is not aggressive, timid, or fearful of my husband and I like other children I know that are spanked. Trust me there are moments of frustration. But that is up to me to deal with, I am the adult and she is a child who doesn't know any better.
    One of my favorite quotes that keeps me going is-
    "Anger demands action. When you act in anger you lose self control"
    Don't tell me that spanking parents aren't angry when they are hitting their children. It literally is an adult temper tantrum to spank. Ok that's all.... whew.

  9. I understand all points of these comments and your blog, completely! I find myself in desperation alot because my son is out of control at times. Me and his dad have tried spanking mostly his dad bc hes the dominate one, but literally on his butt, no where else...and i agree its ineffective because he laughs and says ya right mom that doesn't hurt. SOOO I dont do it anymore, I just take previleges away without warning, so when he goes to do fun stuff and he cant its such a shock he learns that way.

    I dont agree in abuse, just the good ol' days when I was spanked, but kids now a days, NOT effective at all,hence why I try my hardest not to do it at all.

    GOOD BLOG Dri!!!

  10. I was spanked as child.. but I am against spanking. I will never spank my child.

  11. This is such a great topic. I don't fell that spanking is effective. I agree that it is a contradiction. We teach our children it is not ok to hit anyone and we would be acting hypocrites if we hit them. Stopping by from SITS!

  12. I make the offending child watch me spank a "third-party" child and say it's their fault.

  13. I was spanked as a child -- not frequently -- and I don't feel like any harm came of it. I grew up in a small town in the deep south and EVERYONE spanked. It just wasn't a big deal.

    When I started getting older I said OH I WILL NEVER SPANK MY KIDS!! (I don't have children yet. I am a live-in nanny currently, and have been a professional nanny for a few years.) Then, the very first family I was a nanny for spanked. They were the calmest, best parents I have ever experienced. It was always a LAST resort. They did time-outs, taking away privileges, etc., and there was always a discussion afterwards about why the behavior was unacceptable. Because they were such amazing parents, it changed my perspective on spanking a lot. A few people above said that when a parents spanks they are the ones losing control. I think in most cases, that is the truth! What I saw from this family, however, was not a loss of control.

    I doubt that I will spank my kids when I have them. The girls I nanny are 9 and 7 and I have learned SO much about being patient and staying calm. (They have a single parent who does NOTHING for discipline, so it's all up to me.) Spanking isn't an option for me (please NEVER spank someone else's child!!), so I have learned how to keep control of a situation.

    Parents get tired. They come home from work stressed out. They have their own stressers in their personal lives outside of their children. I don't judge parents who spank, BUT I think if you really took the time (not that you really have any time!) to try other things, figure out what works, and have consistency, then you would find that spanking just isn't usually needed.

    thanks for stopping by my blog Adriana! :)

  14. Alright, I am going in the opposite direction here. YES, I spank!!!! Or at least, I did when my son was smaller. A swat on the bottom of a child wearing the diaper does NOT hurt them, it only says NO in an effective way. At least, it was effective for me. I no longer spank my child, who is now 5, but I have no problem with a parents spanking their child on the bottom only. Seriously- we aren't smacking them across the face, geez! I spanked my son in a store once and you'd think I was trying to rip his head off- the looks from these people were priceless. I have to say, you do what works for YOU. Not every child is the same and not every family is the same. Spanking worked for a while, but I actually learned that a worse punishment for my son is to sit in timeout and look at the wall. He HATED that... so that replaced spanking after a while. Just had to pop in to give my two cents haha!! :)
    xo! -Holly

  15. Growing up in the South I can tell you that I was spanked on more than one occasion. To the day my dear daddy died, if he said my first and middle name together.... I covered my butt with my hands. And Yes, I spanked my children too. Not a beating, but a swat on the backside let them know I meant business. After the first few times they got the hint. I could look at them, raise my fingers to count off 1..2...3.. I never got any further. Now that they are grown and near grown ( 23 & 17 ) they are well adjusted, responsible, respectful people.

  16. I am really torn when it comes to spanking. Right now my son is nine months old and I can't imagine ever hurting him. As a child I was spanked only when I did something that endangered myself such as running out in the street or locking my mother out of the house. I never feared my mother because of this. I also have a 17 year old step daughter. If she was mine I would be slapping her across the face on a daily basis. The way she speaks to her mother is so disrespectful. Just the other day she made her mother cry by telling her that she is too fat to be wearing shorts (for the record her mother, Lee, is a size 10 and these were not daisy dukes, they were mom shorts). I told Lee that I would have slapped her and she looked horrified. "Oh but she is a good girl and she is on the honor roll" blah blah blah. There are no excuses for disrespect.