This whole motherhood thing is hard. It's not easy. I think there are about 100 times a day where I am ready to tear my hair out. Where I feel like I am failing or screwing up. Where my kid is covered in sweet potato and he has a beard of drool. And me? Well, I'm currently wearing sweatpants...backwards because I put them on in the dark, and I haven't plucked my eyebrows in days and I'm well overdue for a haircut. I think maybe my blog doesn't always a hundred percent articulate what my daily life is like. 'Cause most days its a mess. A giant mess. Even so, I try to focus on the positive.
I try to look up.
Glass half full.
All the way full.
Bubbling over even.
I've struggled in the past with staying positive. I never called myself a negative person but a realist maybe? But dang people! Sometimes all that harsh reality is too much. I needed some day dreams and fairy tales. The thing I noticed about being positive? It spreads. Its contagious. The universe catches on.
All it takes is one moment. One little minute in my day where Hendrix and I connect. When he looks at me and I can see his baby blues just buggin out with love for me. Where his little hands roam my face, gently, he threads those teeny fingers in my hair and smiles at the softness. Throws his head back with giggles while I kiss his rosebud lips over and over.
Man, that laugh of his, it just slays me.
Today while he was sitting in his duck (of course) he stopped banging and moving and go go going and looked straight into my eyes and out poured this howling laughter, because looking at me just makes him that happy. We sat there, music softly playing in the background, just starring at each other. Dewy Morning light and so much promise in that little face. and he giggled and giggled. stroking my bangs, smacking his lips.
I mean really, how LUCKY am I?
I could have sat there in the rapture of his giggles all day but these moments are fleeting and gone it was in a flash and back to trying to eat my nose off my face and banging my head with a wooden block he went.
But those moments, I carry them with me all day. through traffic, and dirty dishes, bad news phone calls and bad dreams. Those moments are my life blood now.
I write a lot about how much love I get from parenting. Probably too much. But I've had enough hard times, Enough bullshit heart ache and I'm done dwelling and focusing on the negative. I started this blog on a sad note and now? Now, I wanna rejoice in the happy. Roll around in the warm, sandy fulfillment I get from this whole parenting adventure. I'm a kid in a pile of warm laundry, jumping into cool leaves in the fall. A pig in shit? Call it what you will but I'm psyched on life.
So many people waste huge amounts of time complaining and whining their way through life. Ignoring all those everyday miracles. The ones hidden between carpools and bill paying. Between casseroles and yoga class. Between the internet and MTV. I refuse to be that woman. I want to savor all the good. No more sweating the small stuff for me.
Life is too short. Too fast. and way to fleeting.