Happy Mother's Day....

To read my Mother's Day post, my feelings on motherhood, and some advice for my Henry go HERE

Happy New Year,

All of these pics are from NYE over the last 6 years or so... Enjoy.

This year was one of the most challenging of my life. I had to learn a lot.  This year uprooted my family and tossed and shoved us around. It stuck us in a tangled mess we had to seek our way out of.

Basically,
2010 was a bummer, dudes.

Yet, somehow, it was one of the best of my life. My little family brought hope and comfort and joy where it looked as if there was only sorrow and stress.What kind of life is one spent entirely in your comfort zone? What kind of life would it be if everyday was spent on easy street? Life requires challenges for growth and true gratitude. and I am just that, grateful. For the truly good things in my life. The ones that tend to get lost in everyday life. The ones we forget about even though they are staring us right in our face.

Throwed with Jen. 

Family.
Such a small word for something so big. I learned that ill never be alone again. Ill never walk in this life without a hand to hold.




I am vowing here and now that 2011 will be fantastic.





Resolution 1. Write.
I have decided to dive back into writing. Hendrix will spend a few hours a week in some sort of child care situation (something I am still working out) and I have my hands in some very exciting projects.  I need this. I loved spending all my time with Hendrix but as a woman, I need to have something else. Something that is mine. Something that makes me feel accomplished.

This is the night I fell in love with Jody. Mostly because she got the party started by doing cartwheels and flying leaps across the dance floor.

Resolution 2. Decorate
I have a beautiful new loft and I can not wait to make it a home. My surroundings greatly inspire me and I want a space that feels cozy and embodies us as a family. I have been scouring craigslist everyday for treasures and hidden gems. I want to document the transformation and share it with all of you.

Resolution 3. Fashion.
It may sound silly but I really do love fashion. I always have. Every since I was little. I have lost some of that since becoming a mother. I want to get it back. I want to take the time to enjoy my vintage goodies and wear things I truly love. I have always been an...exuberant (good work?) dresser, wearing things that most people wouldn't. No more boring jeans and tees. It's just not me. Self expression is just another form of creativity. Part of me has struggled with the fact that I simply can not be a part of the status quo. I have a hard time being happy with shopping at Old Navy or LL Bean. Remember, THIS? When I wanted to find a way to fit in. No. No more. I will embrace my old self. My true self. Because being a good mother is not blending in with the crowd, its shining on your own. Try as I might I just am NOT that lady. No judgment for those who are, I just can not pretend to be something I am not.  My mother always wore vintage and we would scour thrift stores as a child and I didn't appreciate it then. Looking  back she was about a million times more glamorous than the other Mamas on the playground and she always stood firm in her individuality.
I am going to document this as well. I want to share my outfits and my fancy finds from my thrifting excursions.

NYE with Danielle. Wore the BEST dress from Patricia Field.

Resolution 4. Open my vintage shop, Runaway Vintage.
It's a lifelong dream. It goes along with #3. It's in the works and I CAN NOT wait to launch. I have so many beautiful pieces for Mamas, Papas, and the wee ones. (If you have a little girl...you better get psyched 'cause some of my finds are to diiiiieeee for)

Liberty Hotel with Jen.

Resolution 5.
To be present in the moment. To just LIVE in in. Enjoy life. Suck it up. Never take it for granted. Kiss my baby on the lips. Hold my husband's hand and stroll down the street. Jump on the bed with my step son. Sew with my mother. Cook with my father. Sing with my brother. Love. LOVE. Looove.

Happy New Years everyone.


I can't wait to hear all of your resolutions. To be inspired by your goals and hopefully, your results.





***Almost all of our NYE were spent where Michael was DJ'ing. This year I am staying in. He will be at the Liberty Hotel. Which sold out weeks ago. Should be a good time. Everyone have fun without me!***

Christmas Wishlist

In my wildest "we just won the lotto" dreams we would be getting the following for Christmas.

For Moi:




Balloon Dress by JessalinB
H Necklace by Piano Bench Designs
Vintage Dress by Crafty Crow Vintage
Macaroon Soap by LoveLee Soaps



I would love some more pretty vintage bowls to add to my collection. I like to fill them with my jewels and sunnies and display them on my vanity.



Mostly I just want some "ME" time. A bubble bath with yummy treats, champagne, and lots of fashion mags and as much time as I want to lounge. Yes PLEASE!

For Hendrix:



Personalize Name Blocks by Little Sapling
Star Wars Prints by Ginormous Robot 
Kitchen by Djeco
Rabbit Utensil by Beehive Kitchen Wares



Thoreau Tee by Happy Family
ABC Animal Pillow by My Mimi
Flight Hoodie by BC Childrens Ware
Mini Men Crayons by Lil Doodlers

For C:




Lego Bento Box by J Box
Doodle Coloring Book from Barnes and Nobles
Perky Pug Bookends from Amazon
Nintendo Pillow by WT Crafts



U'm not sure what the first thing is but I'm gonna go ahead and say he would love it.
Double Chocolate Pancakes. Recipe HERE
Also, a dog that rides a skateboard. Just what every kid needs!
Vintage Pac Man Arcade Game

For my Hubs:



Record Player by Moxie Doll
Boots from Allsaints
Coffe Maker from Keurig
Cowl Neck from Kitty Dune



A Romantic Sushi Dinner
A weekend away to our honeymoon spot, Tensing Pen
A Mac Book
New Tattoos


For Our Home:




Name Bike by Typography
Rug by Ikea
Scrabble Pillows by Dirtsa
Cees Braackman Credenza from Reside


What are you all asking Santa for??

So Thankful.

When Hendrix was on the table being resuscitated. I remember looking at him and thinking.

"This is it. He is going to die and I will always be that woman. I will always be grieving for every single second that I breathe. I will never be able to let go. The rest of my life will be defined by my grief. When people say things like "oh I never thought it could happen to me and then it did" I am going to be that woman."

I am thankful that I did not...DO NOT.. .have to be that woman. Because so many do. and I got lucky.

So thankful. So SO SO thankful.
and I'm burying it today. My anger and resentment and the loss of control I felt when my son nearly slipped away. I'm burying it because I don't have to hold onto it anymore. I get to move on. And I'm thankful.
I am thankful for a lot of things. I could list them. Sure, why not. and I don't mean to be heavy here but I think the thing I'm the most thankful for is the fact that I get to be thankful for the vain, trite, the easy.
I am so thankful that I get to be thankful for selfish things this year.

Yes, I am thankful that my son survived his horrible birth. I am thankful that my Mama's surgery went beautifully. I am thankful for my mother's amazing surgeon called on thanksgiving morning to check in on her because it made her smile, because it helped ease her spirit a bit, because cancer is scary and she makes it look so easy, because seeing my mom happy and comfortable the day after surgery is a lot easier to handle for all of us. But unlike last year, everyone is okay.
We are all okay. say it again.
WE ARE ALL OKAY.


So, I get to be thankful for things like gingerbread coffee, my love life, scrabble, and the fact that my boobs are still pretty darn perky after a year of breastfeeding.
I am thankful for spinach salads with walnuts, goat cheese, and cranberries.
I am thankful for my closet full of vintage lovelies.
I'm thankful for my favorite moccasins, breakfast in bed, and baby curls.
I am thankful that every night I have a warm little body to snuggle up next to, for his little hands that creeps up under the blankets and into my hair where they cling all night.

I am thankful that after it all, at the end of the day I have a clear enough head to know whats really important.


A lot of people go through this life never satisfied. Looking for bigger and better instead of savouring what is in the here and now. I know now that things are not always guaranteed. We are not all entitled to health or a home or warm food. and I'm glad I get to be  a bit selfish and be thankful for the unimportant but at the same time I think the last year has made me wise enough to know none of that matters really.

So thank you to the universe for sending me some easy. some simple. some moments to breathe.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

The 4th of July at The Liberty Hotel

The fourth this year was celebrated not on beaches and lake shores (like our previous years) but on the concrete in the city.



We checked into The Liberty Hotel for their BBQ which my hubby was DJing. How appropriate is it that we were celebrating our country's independence at The Liberty Hotel?



We noshed on delicious food, listened to great music, and enjoyed the warm weather.

Can you see Hendrix napping in the background? Noise sensitive he is not...

and speaking of Independence.... all of a sudden my little man, the one who has been so wholly dependent upon me...well, he is just bursting with his own lil freedoms. Everyday a tiny independence day.

Father's Day; Chapter 2

Michael and I have always been beach people.

I like falling asleep with sand in my bed.
In my hair.
In between my toes.

I love the taste of salt on my lips and the coconutty stickiness of left over sunscreen on my skin.
I like lounging in the sun and rolling in the waves.
Michael and I instantly bonded over our love for the Ocean.

and my beautiful, full of life, little piece of peach pie step son?

Well, he has always been a beach lover but...

Happy Father's Day; Chapter 1

How lucky are our boys?

You are so very Welcome...

As a little girl I diapered and walked and tucked in little dolls. I dressed them for school, for church, for good news. I pushed them in plastic grocery carts filled with empty cartons of cheerios and faux fruit. I sang them lullibies and read them books. I had very real anxiety about leaving them at home while I climbed in my car seat to head to day care.

So much preparation in the pretend.




I was always a bit of a mother. It was there, deep down, waiting to be put to good use. With the birth of my son it rose to the surface and Sunday was the day to show off it's arrival. Its debut! Hello World! I am a Mama, real live Mother! One who receives cards and kisses boo boos and nurtures and protects like a fierce lion. This is who I am now.






Celebrating my motherhood and not just surviving the emotional roller coaster that is parenting but going beyond that and truly thriving is certainly something to be rejoiced. I'd love to shout it from the roof tops. Write it across the sky in billowy smoke. I'm doing it. It's here. I am a mother. I'm not just playing pretend.

It's hard to pin point what it is exactly we are celebrating.

Tucking hair behind tiny ears. Little fingers reaching for my skin in the dark. Cool hands on warm foreheads. Providing a lap for a pillow and the skirt of my dress as a blanket. How do you definie the word "Mother".

When our babies say thank you, what is it they are thanking us for? Those little moments that can not be put into words? The emotions we can not help but feel? The primal instinct to keep good care of them no matter what the cost to ourselves? Intuitions and instincts and animalistic urges to provide?

Well my dear, you are so very welcome.

Easter is...

Dressed up babies...

Dying Eggs..

Baskets full of goodies...

Pastel chalk on deep gray asphalt...

Painted toenails in fancy shoes...

Fresh berries drizzled on pancakes...

Yummy treats...

and easter egg hunts with fruitful endings...

Happy New Year!

And so here we are. Another year gone and another just begun. Our youth fades, our wisdom grows, time moves and moves and doesn’t stop.

And every year we make new years resolutions and break them before our hangover has subsided.

And this year?My new years resolution? To actually keep one for starters.

But this whole new years thing got me thinking. Past years hopes and dreams have been selfishly motivated and futile.

I want a tighter ass! A cleaner house! I’ll take better care of myself..get a manicure every Friday! I’ll own a quilted Chanel! Leopard Louboutins! I’ll organize my kitchen cabinets! No more dishes in the sink! I'll have a clean kitchen! A clean life! A clean slate! I’ll take up sewing! Ill reinvent! Turn it around! Make it beautiful! Make it Brilliant!

This year is different. This year I feel accomplished. Its December 31 (as I’m writing this) and I feel like I did right by this year. It had its ups and downs but I birthed a human being. I grew him from a teeny tiny cluster of cells. He was conceived on a Sunday morning, in early sunlight, out of love. I was married and while the statement “perfect timing” is a ridiculous cluster of words that have no business being together, I was ready. I was so ready for this baby boy.

So my first new years resolution?

To enjoy motherhood. To take it easy. Slow down. Soak up every second.

My other?

To enjoy my marriage. To take it easy. Slow down. Soak up every second.

I want to eat, sleep, and breathe my family. It is after all my greatest asset. The one thing that makes it all worth it.

Falling into parenthood with my husband hasn’t been easy. I'm overly nervous. I challenge everything. I'm a stickler for the rules. After your baby almost dies in front of you it’s hard not to obsess over his health, his breathing, his well being.

Michael is so calm. He has done this before.

So I vow this year to relax. To learn from Michael. To learn to go with the flow, stop swimming against the current.

This year I don't need a clean slate. I do, however, still need a clean kitchen.

Somethings never change.

Size Doesn't Matter

(C playing in the snow while we search for the perfect tree)

Two years ago when we lived at our loft (more on that later) we decided that we should take advantage of our 25 ft ceiling and get a huge xmas tree. The only problem was finding one. We literally drove to four different places before finding one at a "cut your own down" tree farm.

(I'm psyched!)

I remember thinking that the tree didnt look that big.

(Michael dragging the tree to the truck)

and then we got home and it took ten grown men to get it into house.

(Our tree in the dining room)

(Yowza!)

and then we finally got it up and it was so huge that the tippity top was scrunched up against the ceiling and we had to cute it off.




After about 20 hours of work, an industrial sized ladder, a last minute run to Target to buy an extra 200 (yes 200!) ornaments and 8 extra boxes of lights the end result was...eh...okay. In fact it ended up looking kinda ugly. Did I mention we left the stupid thing up till February, had to cut it into pieces to get it down, then throw it out the window to get it downstairs, and then...THEN! I used our brand new, never before used, vacuum to suck up all the leftover pine needles just to have it break from the sheer weight and volume of the task.
Nice.

Moral of this story...size really doesn't matter.