Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Not So Evil Step Mother

(My boys on a picnic)

Before becoming a mother I was fortunate enough to have some experience in the parenting department. I am proud to say I am the step mother to an absolutely adorable and incredibly intelligent 7 year old boy. I think that a majority of you would be interested to hear that I find Step parenting to be more challenging than being an actual parent. Mostly because if you screw up, well your screwing up someone elses kid. Plus there is a lot more to think about. With your own you just do, with another parents child you really have to think before you do. I believe it's imperative as a step parent to never overstep your boundaries. With that said I will from now on refer to my step child as C and will not be posting any pictures with a straight shot of his face on this blog.
I am starting a new section on here devoted to my adventures in step parenting called the Not So Evil Step Mother, as I wish to be such.
So this being the first entry in that section I'd like to touch upon falling in love with your new (step) kid.

(C cuddling our Kitty)

My first encounter with C took place when he was a mere two years old, all pudgy knuckles and curly tips on the end of baby hair, bundled up in a winter coat eating a dumdums lollipop. His words to me were "I ate the green one all up". It was love at first sight. Not only did I easily and comfortably fall into my new roll in this little munchkins life but he welcomed me as well. The key? Well in my humble opinion, I never tried to be his mom. He has one and has no need for another. Not only do I want my relationship with his mama to be a good one but I never want to hear those dreaded words "yeah, well your not my mom!". This is every step parents nightmare.

I foster our relationship through lots of play, cuddles and love, and most importantly remaining to walk that line between parent and friend. My hope for him is that he will always know and feel my unconditional, totally pure and all encompassing love for him. Falling in love with my husband and falling in love with C are one in the same and one could not have happened without the other. C is a part of him and he a part of C. To understand this is to be able to identify exactly why I love each of my boys.

So my advice to new step parents? How to fall in love with your new step child(ren)? It's easy. Just let it happen. Don't push or rush it. Just like with your new spouse it will happen naturally. When it does it will be life changing. Embrace it. It is scary enough to let yourself become vulnerable with one human let alone two (or three,or four....) but it is so worth it. Kids are smart. If you try to manipulate or put up a front they will see right through it. So just be you. Just be honest. Just be willing, then sit back and enjoy the ride.

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