Friday, December 18, 2009

Are you there god, it's me vomit.

(Fresh outta bath #2...
sorry about the bad quality.
taken with Iphone.
who has the time for real
cameras these days? Sheesh)

About a week ago I had my first mommy disaster. The Hubby was Dj’ing at the Liberty Hotel so I was on my own for the majority of the night. It was around 11 pm, Lil Smoosh man was all bundled up ready for bed. We had done our nightly routine. Had our bath. Read our book. And after about an hour of walking back and forth, patting his bum, cooing in his ear, he was finally laying in my arms falling asleep when suddenly his eyes popped open like something had startled him and he made this grimace…

“whats the matte……rrr…aggggg!”

Smoosh unleashed a vomitous mass of already half digested breast milk straight up at me. It flew about three feet in the air and then back down again like a geyser. It covered my hair, face, down my shirt, and all over Hendrix who happily licked his lips trying to get round two of mama’s milk. (grosssssss). So I stood there holding him for all of three solid panic stricken seconds till I said out loud (To myself? The cat? The vomit monster who had just released its terror all over my newborn?)

“snap outta it women!”

And that I did. I snapped out of it. I stripped us both down butt nakey, used an old towel to gather up the clumps of puke all over the ground, out of my hair, out from in between my boobies. (grosssssss). I scooped up the lil man threw him in his (second) bath and used about 4,873 baby wipes to give myself a “shower”.

So what now? Well, by now Smoosh’s post-puke “My belly doesn’t hurt anymore, Ma!” glow was wearing off and his patience with me taking my thirty second wipe down had worn thin. So I made lemonaid out of barfy lemons and we did some skin to skin…hell, we were down to our skivvies anyways, it’s only midnight and I hadn’t slept in days but why not take a moment for some extra (like we don’t all day anyways) cuddles.

I laid there with the Smooshmeister who was drifting off to lala land and was beaming with pride. I had somehow managed to get royally ralphed on and had not panicked and kept the baby happy and gotten him to sleep and put a positive spin on the whole shebang! All by myself!

Well congrats Mama, you managed NOT to suck! Yay for me!


  1. Thats hysterical, gross and precious all in the same.
    I love your honesty Adriana

  2. I just now saw this post. HILARIOUS title, I laughed so hard!