Thursday, December 10, 2009

What If God Was One Of Us?

(Smooshy almost a week old,
first time in "real clothing" not hospital garb)

Before she went bat shit crazy Ms. “It's Britney Bitch” Spears was asked by a member of the press about her religious affiliation to which she retorted "my baby is my religion". As an adult I’ve found myself to be an atheist and don’t think too highly on organized religious groups mainly for the hypocrisy of it all. I was raised as a roman catholic and was sent to a private catholic elementary school where bible study was a part of daily routine so I feel like I’ve done my research on the matter.

In my adult years I honestly hadn’t given spirituality much thought until my baby was born. No, I am not going to spout some cliché crap about how there must be a higher power to have created the miracle that is my baby because mainly I’m perfectly comfortable with claiming that miracle to be of my own production. Yes, I did create this amazing lil being and yes my husband and I did do it on our own.

Just us, our DNA, and our love.

With that said I believe I get where BritBrit was coming from.

Maybe there is a god. But not that mythical long haired, all knowing man that had been so feverishly pushed upon us. But maybe god is inside all of us. Did I not play god when I created this breathing, growing, human being? Did I not create a lifetime of moments and experiences for him? When he first finds love, humiliation, pride, and lust…did I not (with the help of my dear husband) create these feelings for him? How about the first time he feels the rush of a wave roll over him, the salt of the sea on his lips? Or the first time a girl holds his hand and a tingle goes up his spine? How about the bliss that he will experience with smelling his brand new baby’s breath for the first time? Did I not create these moments?

God like I am.

How about my husband? Who when I begged to know if my baby would live, lied and promised everything would be alright. Who through stain glass eyes whispered “hes ok’ over and over again. Who when I let myself drift into a haze of denial, stayed so wholly focused. The courage I saw in him in those moments was certainly biblical.

Or the nurses in the NICU who cooed and lulled my baby to sleep when I could not be with him? Who held his tiny hands and stroked his chubby cheek while they shoved tubes into his airways and whispered soft words to comfort him? Who when that panic button was pushed ran in a fury to get to my baby’s side. Well, I think an angel comparison would almost be too obvious.

And in the moments of my son’s birth when he was as good as dead, when breathing on his own was too big a feat for his little body, the doctor that took those breathes for him and saved his life. Bringing his limp gray body to a blush pink…is he not a God? I can assure you that I certainly worship him. I imagine building skyscraper sized temples in his honor complete with gilded mirrors and alters covered in melted candles, red roses, and tears from other mothers. I’m sure I could write a book in his honor. Fill it with stories of the miracles he performed with his own two hands.

Turning death into life.

Water into wine.

In each of these people I saw god the night of my son’s birth. But it was them. Not an invisible man sitting in the clouds. It was there in plain sight so obvious and so simple. Like neon arrows were pointing to it all along.

We are god. We are religion. Right here. In real time.

Just not giving ourselves enough credit.

And my baby. He who taught me just how capable my tiny hands could be. Who taught me what it’s like to really have a bad day, not the kind that involves a bad coffee or long line of traffic, so that I could truly appreciate the good days. Who taught me that love, true unconditional love, is a luxury not a guarantee. He who taught me through not being able to do it himself, that no matter how bad it gets, all you have to do is take it one breath at a time.
To just breathe.

Well, I guess it is so, my baby is my religion.

and yes I have found god.

It was everywhere I had overlooked.


  1. Best yet, Adriana. Keep 'em coming.

  2. ahhhmazing as always!

  3. I am a God loving Christian who doesn't doubt him in the least. With that said, your words through this post was absolutely beautiful and I believe it shows how God works through us all and how truly visible to each of us he can be if we just open our eyes and hearts!

  4. I love you as you love Hendrix, and I raised you in the faith because I saw how your grandmother lived this way and it made her happy; I saw how it changed my own life from dirty to clean; and I thought it would give you a foundation that might someday make your own life better. I am happy to see that you have come to see God in your own way. I am a believer, but I do that as a leap of faith. We do not know for sure what is or what will be. It is more about living the good life -- being honest and loving and kind to those less fortunate. It's really about the golden rule that you learned in elementary school, and not so much about organized religion. Maybe it's about karma; about the good or bad that comes around and goes around. Maybe it's about blessings that first appear as disasters (Mark), or unwelcome turns in the road that bring us to better places. Maybe the bad things are just drops in the big bucket of life. Maybe it's not all coincidental. Perhaps your idea of God and my idea of God are not so far removed, Adriana. Perhaps we do have a common ground to stomp on.

  5. This is a beautiful post, Adriana...

    ... I am an atheist, and I followed this link from the SITS FB post, because I was curious... I was expecting something cliche, and what I found was something extraordinary...

    Cheers, all the best to you, your hubby and your bundle of joy.

  6. Beautiful post! I too choose to see God in each of us, rather than the God fed to me by the nuns at Catholic school. :) HAppy SITS.

  7. Beautiful, beautiful post. I was before and remain an atheist after my kids but I do see the amazement in producing something just from my husband and I. There is a higher kind of love that you feel when you have kids.

    Happy SITS day!

  8. beautifully felt, powerfully written, truth, goosebumps. you saw the shining light that we all are!

  9. Stopping by from SITS. I know these posts were from a while ago, but I imagine it's all still fresh for you, just as it is for me reading it. I'm glad for all those people around who helped your son and your family. I just want to give you a really big hug.

  10. This is such a beautiful post. I'm not a fan of organised religion but I can't shake a feeling of "something" spiritual - I love your take on it.

  11. Congrats on your SITS day. This post is amazing and beautiful. I'm agnostic and know just where you're coming from.

  12. Happy Sits Day! Beautiful post. I always say you know God of some kind exists when you see that tiny new baby.