Monday, December 27, 2010
We had our first real snow of the season yesterday. Pretty late for around here. I was driving and I knew it was coming because the sky was one giant, full bodied snow cloud. Puffy and swollen. I started towards my destination and as I turned off the highway I saw it. The snow storm ahead. I literally drove right into it. Have you ever done that? One second it was quiet and the next the snow flurries were whipping around the car. Like a line drawn in the sand and I crossed it.
I couldn't help but think about how it was a lot like becoming a mother. With a few big pushes I had stepped over into my new life.
I get asked by non Mamas what it is like being here on the other side of that line. I think they look for reassurance or maybe just a sneak peak into my world. I have a hard time explaining to them what its like over here in the snow storm. How it can be scary as all hell yet so magnificent all at once. How do you give parenthood words? You don't. You fumble and you try but words never suffice. I am Happy to be on the other side of the line. Snow blinded and scarred at times but mostly, in awe at the beauty of it all.
I was ready when it came. That's not to say I didn't have some moments of panic. That I didn't' feel massively overwhelmed or lost at times. But those moments were fleeting and towards the end I put the pedal to the metal and drove straight in. I always wonder what it must be like to be pregnant and not ready. Scared and terrified of what is ahead. I think a lot of times people expect a blizzard when really Motherhood is a lot like being inside one of those shake up snow globes. For a minute your whole world gets tossed and turned about but when it stops there is new peace, a calm, a beauty you had never experienced. No, you can never go back, but really, who would want to? Everything is a little more magical on this side of the line.
I wanna know, did you feel ready when parenthood came knocking?
That magic of family seems to intensify this time of year. Children bring a new kind of charm to the holidays and a bigger hope to the new year. I am soaking it up.
Our Christmas was small, Calm. We focused on what really matters. We gave the kids a 1/3 of the gifts we normally would. They didn't notice. I took only a couple pictures mostly because I was living in the moment and that felt damn good.
We are currently snowed in so today will be filled with games of chess, book reading, bubble bath taking, and movie watching.
I'm loving every minute of it.