Its late. I swore I was going to go to bed because I have been writing since I put the baby down hours ago and my wrist is cramping and I'm so so tired and my eyes are a bit blurry but somehow I got caught up in looking at pictures of my little man and then I dunno my heart just started swelling and I had to get it out. and that was the worlds longest run on sentence. I don't care. this post isn't about perfect punctuation or the placement of a period but about how much I love my baby. How is this my life? How? How lucky am I? I ask myself that a lot. I look at his bright blue, saucer eyes, and his chubby toes, and the small of his back, and I am blown away by my life.
I have let go of my sons traumatic birth in many ways but there are moments where it smacks me in the face, the fragility of this life, and how I almost had to live without this boy. How could I ever live with out this child?
How how how is this my LIFE?
I cant stop asking this. I don't know why I was chosen to be his mother but it makes me feel so alive, so needed, so proud and again, ill use the word, so FUCKING LUCKY.
I have hit the parenthood jackpot but then again, I guess we all have. Each of our babies made just for us. Made from us. How lucky are we?
Don't take it for granted. Remember that not all Mamas and Papas get to tuck their babies in, snuggle soft skin, or watch as the fan lifts baby curls off teeny shoulders but we do.
I sat in a NICU about 20 months ago, after a 2 AM feeding, sobbing, rocking back and forth, crying into newborn hair, whispering the words thank you thank you thank you over and over again.
I do not forget. I am so thankful.
Linking up for Word(ish) Wednesday...
The Paper Mama
A Little King and I
And Then, She snapped