Tuesday, June 14, 2011


Its late. I swore I was going to go to bed because I have been writing since I put the baby down hours ago and my wrist is cramping and I'm so so tired and my eyes are a bit blurry but somehow I got caught up in looking at pictures of my little man and then I dunno my heart just started swelling and I had to get it out. and that was the worlds longest run on sentence. I don't care. this post isn't about perfect punctuation or the placement of a period but about how much I love my baby. How is this my life? How? How lucky am I? I ask myself that a lot. I look at his bright blue, saucer eyes, and his chubby toes, and the small of his back, and I am blown away by my life.

I have let go of my sons traumatic birth in many ways but there are moments where it smacks me in the face, the fragility of this life, and how I almost had to live without this boy. How could I ever live with out this child? 

How how how is this my LIFE?

I cant stop asking this. I don't know why I was chosen to be his mother but it makes me feel so alive, so needed, so proud and again, ill use the word, so FUCKING LUCKY.

I have hit the parenthood jackpot but then again, I guess we all have. Each of our babies made just for us. Made from us. How lucky are we?

Don't take it for granted. Remember that not all Mamas and Papas get to tuck their babies in, snuggle soft skin, or watch as the fan lifts baby curls off teeny shoulders but we do.


I sat in a NICU about 20 months ago, after a 2 AM feeding, sobbing, rocking back and forth, crying into newborn hair, whispering the words thank you thank you thank you over and over again.

I do not forget. I am so thankful.




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  1. such a sweet post. : )
    you're a lovely mama.
    also, i finally decided from these pictures, that hendrix looks just like you.
    i could never decided, but i see so much of you in him!

  2. this is beautiful! i kept thinking about how i have these exact feeling for corbin! i could never ever imagine life without him! love this post.

  3. such an amazing post. i read your birth story, and had to fight hard not to cry. he is absolutely adorable and you, my dear, are one courageous mama! love your blog :)

  4. I know what you mean- I hear so many sad stories of people losing their little ones and I don't understand how you can ever go on. I feel truly blessed that we're all healthy. It doesn't get better than that :)

  5. I love this! Also, somehow he already looks bigger than when I saw him last?? Crazy. Voted for you again today at TopBabyBlogs. Are we linked up on my actual blog or just my business one? I tried to find you in my sidebar so I could jump over and I couldn't find you! Not that it matters I suppose, there are always other ways. Let's hang out SOON!

  6. weird i dont actually know. and yes he is huge all of a sudden! lets do a hang out soon pleaseeee

  7. Wow. This is the first post of yours that I read and I am already hooked. What an amazing writer you are and what a precious boy you have there!! :)

  8. Lovely blog, really creative and perfect shots.. Found ya on andthen-shesnapped wordless wednesday hop..Officially following ya..Hope you can stop by sometime :)) Marilyn from http://theartsygirlconnection.blogspot.com (I also have a fun photo challenge going on if you'd like to join in - it's "People" for a capture.. http://theartsygirlconnection.blogspot.com/2011/06/perfect-pixel-aisle-series-ii.html Please check it out if you'd like.. Thanks again. ;))

  9. your son is absolutely beautiful and i can only imagine what it was like for you to be in the nicu for that long. you're one amazing mom and a trooper at that. im sure your son loves you just as much as you love him

  10. baby boys with long hair are pretty much the best thing ever! I hope my Henry's hair is a pretty when it's long as your Henry's :)

    And thanks for stopping by my blog the other day!

  11. ...sobbing!!! i know exactly how you feel!!! we fought so hard to get our little lads that, even though they are almost 11 months old (EEK!), every day still feels like the biggest blessing. i savor every moment with them and cry ALL THE TIME because they are growing so, so fast. my hubby and i marvel all the time at how such beautiful, amazing people could have come from us! ;)