Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Up all night..sleep all day...i'm not sure this is what they had in mind.

(My inspiration for this post...
a fortune received on a snowy night in with my boys...
yum Chinese food.)

When we become parents we all morn the loss of our former selves. Some of us grieve harder than others. Some change is inevitable but many take it way too far. It’s a societal pressure a lot of us succumb to.

It's time for us to move on!
Grow up!
Change who we are!

Now you must shop at Walmart! Buy an SUV! Move to the suburbs! Take yoga! Drink a latte! Color inside the lines! Being an individual is bad parenting! Freedom is for those crazy childless recluses!

(lets reminisce...my former childless self on the dance floor)

Some of us fall victim. Sign ourselves up for the new parent lobotomy. Losing ones self completely.

Kiss happiness goodbye! Don't you watch sitcoms? Those parents aren't really happy...you used to chuckle along with the laugh track..now the jokes on you...

Missing the days where naps in the afternoon were for ourselves, not our tiny counterparts. Bath time was spent lounging in bubbles not singing 15 rounds of “rubber ducky”, and a meal out meant sushi and sake not a drive thru burger and a small fry.

(...and now we both have babies...)

Why is it many can’t recognize the changes that happen from parenting, the important ones, don’t involve giving up what you enjoy? Not entirely anyways.

Parenting is a compromise, not a take over.

I'm waving my white flag!

Many of us will convert no matter how much the thought of this life repulses us. What is it that causes this parental panic? The need to conform and give our children a “normal” life? These are the people that get divorced in a year. Resent their children. Buy minivans for a one child homes. Wear sweatpants to the movies on date night.

Maybe some of us are so scared of real, deep, like its in your DNA change, that they focus on the wrong things? They change where they live, how they dress, their social life, their hobbies....just to distract from the terrifying truth.
That the BIG change is that their heart now resides outside its chamber...in a teeny tiny alien being breathing, living, learning, crawling...walking...running away from them!

oh no there it goes...

(another night of dancing...long before my smooshy)

If you focus on the superficial its easier to ignore whats really important. Some of us lucky ones will move with the current, go with the flow, and still manage to hold on to pieces of our single selves. Some of us welcome the movement. The constant change and soul reformation. When you give in you can actually enjoy the ride. When you forget how you are “supposed” to be you can just become who you were meant to be.

As a parent we each need to decide what’s really important to us. I hold on to my past self by lolling in the bathtub during nap time. Avoiding the dishes and letting them pile up. Wearing heels to the grocery store. Bringing baby out for sushi and...well…no sake, just a glass of water. But it’s a perfect combo of me then and me now.

"You've got to let go of who you were, to become who you will be."
Janet Fitch

(Yay Bethany! Yay Sparks!)

The real changes. They are so deep inside. So core crumbling and soul shaking. If you avoid the superficial ones there is no need to bury your past self. That person is still alive and well.

Just grown, changed, whole, loved.
Still yourself but just...different....
A parent.
A real live living parent!

(wild night in)

Wow…now that’s scary.


  1. thank you once again... slowly chipping away of the fear I have towards making babies!!

  2. <3 So much love for you and your blog. I am working on the balance between being a mom and still being me. <3