Creature Comforts

**I wrote this post months ago and never put it up. It is from Hendrix's third month. The pictures are from his first week alive, all taken at The Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at Beth Israel in Boston**


At the current moment Hendrix is fast asleep. I should be taking these precious minutes to do something non babyish. I dunno, maybe paint my nails, do the dishes, read the latest Vogue. Instead I am staring at Smoosh from across the room. Geez, you'd think I'd never seen my baby before or something. I just can't look away. Even while I type I sneak glances out of the corner of my eye.

I have a very distinct memory from about age five. I'm at my Grandmother's house and we are sitting in her green swivel chair. I'm on her lap, facing her, my head rested in the crook of her neck. I vividly remember that the house was silent except for the clock ticking.
She smelled of White Linen. Pert Plus. Lord and Taylor. Holy Water.



She was warm and soft and the moment was ours. But more importantly I felt safe. A big giant bubble of protection surrounded me and it was all love, and ease. Peace.Of.Mind.Well.Being.

So as I sit here, watching my little bird sleep in his lambie swing, I am flooded with that moment in time. Maybe it's the way the motion of the seat sounds like a ticking clock. Our whole house is silent. The early afternoon light is sneaking in through the windows.




I could stare all day at you, my love. At your peaches and cream skin, so pudgy palms pressed on your knees, fingering your soft lil baby pants. Your hair is sticking up a bit and it flows with the wind from your rocking machine. Little ducking fur. Your rose petal lips are pouting out squished together from the weight of those chubby cheeks.

I feel the same calm, cool, and collected feelings now. Funny how it is I who is supposed to give that to him and yet he throws it right back at me. Both of us nurturing one another.


It had never occurred to me that my Grandmother that day was gaining as much from the moment as I was until I became a parent. Its been my belief that as an adult, as the parent, you have to be strong and above needing loving reassurance and that familiar warmth of being a child protected by an adult but I seem to crave that even more.

My son makes me feel like a kid again.

It is a completely reciprocal process. I give him his evening bath and fill his tummy up with milk, cozy wozy pj's and a peanut pie bed and I am just as soothed by the process as he is.

It's apple juice and animal crackers before nap time.

Chicken noodle soup and a stuffy nose.

The quiet of the library, the smell of the old books, and a warm lap.

Kindergarten creature comforts.

The relationship between parent and child has so many blurred lines, mixed emotions, confusing scenarios. It is not so clearly defined as they have you believe on Dr.Phil.. We are the adult, the child, the mother, the infant, all at once. I too am a brand new baby, new to to this world anyways, to the world of being completely and utterly responsible for another's life. I too need the reassurance that I'm making my way.

I have never been so selfless and selfish at the same time. I take as much as I give.

We are in this thing together.

Boston on a Budget. Part 1 of 2.

The recession seems to have effected all aspects of our budget. Coupons are cut, debt is raked up and savings has disappeared. I have been determined to not allow it to bleed into our family social life. Weekends...especially in the insanely overpriced Boston..can cost a small fortune.
I decided I wanted to do up the weekend big on a next to nothing budget. Over the course of two weekends I gave myself the budget of 20 and 30 dollars. Check out how I did..

Weekend 1: The Boston Children's Museum.




The Boston Children's Museum is huge. Almost impossible to cover all of it in one day. My biggest recommendation if you'll be visiting is to go during the week. We no longer are afforded this luxury because Cis in school so Saturday was the day and it was PACKED. The location is beautiful and even with the rainy weather we got to take in the sites. BCM has been totally renovated in the last few years. Not only have they gone "green" but they have added so many new aspects to their three floors of fun including a new and improved bubble room, a light up, interactive dance floor, and a literal version of musical chairs.

Taking in the view...

Deep in thought...

Most local libraries in the area carry Museum passes that offer a discounted rate as long as you plan ahead. We got our passes about two weeks in advance and it cost us only 2 bucks a person and the Little Bean was free because he was under the age of 1. That's 6 buckaroos people! We also paid for parking since it was pouring rain and walking far was NOT an option. That luxury cost us 10 dollars.

Inside, we got to partake in a drum circle which Hendrix loved. C got into the fun as well and was playing the bongos.

Beat that Beat kid!

Baby Bongo Hands...

The water room has been completely redone from its old nautical theme to a "Peep and The Big Wide World" theme. I'm not a huge fan of the aesthetics but the water is there for splashing so we didn't hear any complaints from the C Monster.


We spent some time in the Baby Play area.




and in the "Kid Power" Science area.



We did up a delicious picnic lunch of Turkey sandwiches with chili Dijon mustard for the adults and tuna fish for the munchkin, watermelon, crackers, milk, and apple juice. We got a cup of coffee to go which brought our total to 20 bucks!
C mentioned half a dozen times how much fun he had had on the way home.

Success!

Up all night..sleep all day...i'm not sure this is what they had in mind.

(My inspiration for this post...

a fortune received on a snowy night in with my boys...
yum Chinese food.)

When we become parents we all morn the loss of our former selves. Some of us grieve harder than others. Some change is inevitable but many take it way too far. It’s a societal pressure a lot of us succumb to.

It's time for us to move on!
Grow up!
Change who we are!

Now you must shop at Walmart! Buy an SUV! Move to the suburbs! Take yoga! Drink a latte! Color inside the lines! Being an individual is bad parenting! Freedom is for those crazy childless recluses!

(lets reminisce...my former childless self on the dance floor)

Some of us fall victim. Sign ourselves up for the new parent lobotomy. Losing ones self completely.

Kiss happiness goodbye! Don't you watch sitcoms? Those parents aren't really happy...you used to chuckle along with the laugh track..now the jokes on you...

Missing the days where naps in the afternoon were for ourselves, not our tiny counterparts. Bath time was spent lounging in bubbles not singing 15 rounds of “rubber ducky”, and a meal out meant sushi and sake not a drive thru burger and a small fry.

(...and now we both have babies...)

Why is it many can’t recognize the changes that happen from parenting, the important ones, don’t involve giving up what you enjoy? Not entirely anyways.

Parenting is a compromise, not a take over.

I'm waving my white flag!

Many of us will convert no matter how much the thought of this life repulses us. What is it that causes this parental panic? The need to conform and give our children a “normal” life? These are the people that get divorced in a year. Resent their children. Buy minivans for a one child homes. Wear sweatpants to the movies on date night.

Maybe some of us are so scared of real, deep, like its in your DNA change, that they focus on the wrong things? They change where they live, how they dress, their social life, their hobbies....just to distract from the terrifying truth.
That the BIG change is that their heart now resides outside its chamber...in a teeny tiny alien being breathing, living, learning, crawling...walking...running away from them!

oh no there it goes...

(another night of dancing...long before my smooshy)

If you focus on the superficial its easier to ignore whats really important. Some of us lucky ones will move with the current, go with the flow, and still manage to hold on to pieces of our single selves. Some of us welcome the movement. The constant change and soul reformation. When you give in you can actually enjoy the ride. When you forget how you are “supposed” to be you can just become who you were meant to be.

As a parent we each need to decide what’s really important to us. I hold on to my past self by lolling in the bathtub during nap time. Avoiding the dishes and letting them pile up. Wearing heels to the grocery store. Bringing baby out for sushi and...well…no sake, just a glass of water. But it’s a perfect combo of me then and me now.

"You've got to let go of who you were, to become who you will be."
Janet Fitch

(Yay Bethany! Yay Sparks!)

The real changes. They are so deep inside. So core crumbling and soul shaking. If you avoid the superficial ones there is no need to bury your past self. That person is still alive and well.

Just grown, changed, whole, loved.
Still yourself but just...different....
A parent.
A real live living parent!

(wild night in)

Wow…now that’s scary.