Good Morning

Apple Pickers.

Oh Hello readers. Sorry I have been MIA but life lately has been insanely over the top crazy busy and complicated. Yes, Complicated. I'm not complaining but it is what it is. There for I have been distracted and by distracted I mean totally ignoring all the overwhelming feelings and bottling them up inside.

So for a minute let's ignore the fact that everything has flipped upside down, leaving me shaken and dizzy. We will forget the fact that there may have been suspicions of leukemia in my younger brother (test came back negative...huge sigh of relief), that my mother has breast cancer and chosen to forgo chemo or that Henry's doctor seems to be very concerned at the alarming rate to which is head is growing. Or that at his 1 year appointment we will be scheduling a long list of tests for his hearing/eyesight/possibly swelling brain and we will just focus on the positive. The easy. The simple pleasures of life.


Okay, let's talk fall.


No, I mean Autumn.





Sounds so fancy that way, yes? Autumn is here in new England which means we are in full swing of our seasonal traditions including our yearly trip to Berlin Orchards for some apple picking. We go every year. For five years now. We eat cider doughnuts, feed the ducks, and walk to the very same spot to pick our favorite Honey Crisps.

Pretty much my favorite picture of him ever

I always take about 9 million pictures and it is fun to line them up and see how we have evolved as a family over the years. Oh how it has grown and changed!

2008

2009

Through so much and so may trials and tribulations we have stuck it out and when I said "in good times and in bad" I meant it.

2010

I always feel sorry for people who have convinced themselves they don't need their family. While family may come with drama and burdens to take on and baggage you can not check it comes with so many pros on the list of life. While we are up, it is important to support those who are down so we may have the same awaiting us in our dark times. I'm proud to say I'm a good shoulder to lean on and I am even more proud to say I have some sturdy ones surrounding me.

I don't know what it is about this time of year but it always feels like a new beginning. Forget New Years, now is when I feel ready to keep resolutions, make lists and check off to dos, and push forward.

and each year we apple pick and it is always a bit of a time marker for me. Much like an anniversary it is another little celebration of a year well done, a year stuck together.

While normally I try to be really aware and present in dealing with my problems, in the here and now, I'm going to push them to the back of my mind. Ignorance may not be bliss but the colors of fall, the warmth of a hand held, late night snuggles in bed with homemade ginger snaps, and a pudgy baby in glow in the dark PJs are absolute, pure and strong bliss. So I'll be raising my glass (of warm apple cider) to looking forward, a strong sense of self, and a loving family.

Cheers.



Click below more amazing pictures. My lovely husband put his Iphone pictures on my computer and I swear they are waaay better than mine pictured above. I love seeing the day from his perspective.
You get a really great view of Hendrix and his serious love for his apple. (eye spy major apple chunks stuck all over his face/shirt/entire body)

Growing Pains.

Then

When I first found out my brother has Down Syndrome it was such a shock. Fear and negativity really took hold. Although it didn't last long those moments were pretty hellish which is almost laughable at this point because he is so vibrant, sweet, and loving. I could never imagine Mark being any different than he is. I wouldn't want to change him if I could.

On Thursday I turned the corner onto my Parents' street and made my way to the blue style ranch and as I creeped along, baby asleep in the car, the radio playing THIS, all of a sudden Mark and his two friends came speeding out from a side yard. The two others on a bike and a skateboard and Mark zooming down on his razor scooter.

He was flying. I mean really flying and for a moment the music synced up with his movements. Have you ever had that happen? When the windshield wipers of your car or the fellow biking down the street all of a sudden glide seamlessly with the beat and it feels like life is orchestrating it's own soundtrack?

Watching him be so independent and agile and healthy and fast and free and all those things that everyone said he would never be was mind blowing.

It's amazing how many stereotypes can be smashed to smithereens by a kid with a pair of almond shaped eyes on a scooter on our little dead end at dusk, no?

It's not always the big stories, the news worthy tales, or the award winning moments . I'm a firm believer that the actions most worthy of accolades and honor are a lot harder to see. Not as obvious or bold. They leak in through key holes and sneak in back doors.12 year old boys can redefine words like pride and gratification just by being themselves. Simply by coasting along on a couple of rickety wheels on a short street in a small town.

Then

It is a bittersweet thing to realize that your baby brother is no longer a baby. DS is kind of like a youth preserver in a sense. Mark has been so young for so long and now? He is so full of these teenager traits. Talking about IPOD touches, going to concerts, and throwing around pre-teen attitude. He cooks dinner on taco night Tuesdays, helps change diapers, and teaches Hendrix how to open and close, open and close, his shape sorter box.  He goes by "Uncle Mark", there are about twenty gold medals lining his bedroom wall, and I'm pretty sure he has a crush on Miley Cyrus. Although, he would never admit it to me.

Then

The kid who was never supposed to grow up is all grown up.

Now

When I parked the car that day, Mark came sliding up next to me.
"Need some help?" he asked
"Can you carry in some groceries?"
"Sure, but I don't got alotta time. Friends are waiting for me"

and in came those groceries and off he went smacking a kiss on Henry's cheek and slamming the door behind him.
Just a kid and his neighborhood friends. Wind whipping in their faces, yelling and hollering, disrupting quiet dinners as they set off each dog barking, once house after another. Trampling rose bushes and hanging in backyard forts.

Now

My family never doubted Mark. In the beginning the focus shifted so quickly from what he wouldn't be able to accomplish to how and when he will. Even so,I just always sort of assumed that there would be this big gap between his childhood and mine. That they would look and feel so different because of the DS but truth be told he is just like all the other neighborhood kids. There is that tell tale look in his hazel eyes and the cute lil pudge on the back of his neck but his friends don't seem to notice all that much or if they do, they certainly don't care.

I don't  know how to say this but basically, I'm kind of blown away by how "average" his life is. He is just another kid scraping knees and climbing trees.

I could not be more proud.

That's the thing about these kids. For a syndrome that appears to be so figured out, they sure are unpredictable. Time lines and guidelines. Reference books and studies. Not one of them can sum up what they can do.



Just when you think the movement has stopped or their growth has stunted, they hop on a scooter and take off, leaving you in the dust.

.

Summer To Do 7/50

7/50 Backyard Water Park!






Slides and pools and sprinklers and baby bums and hoses and floaties and beach balls and....

Happy Father's Day; Chapter 1

How lucky are our boys?

Verbatim

"He already looks up to you." -M

'Yeah, I know he does." -C

"He will always look up to you, it's a very special relationship being an older brother." -M

'"I know! He will wanna copy me" -C

"That's right. You will be his role model." -M

"I dont wanna be a model when I grow up!" -C

"No silly, do you know what a role model is?" -M

"Yes, I do! It's when he does whatever I do. It's like Simon Says but real life!" -C

Sunday Morning Cuteness

Boston on a Budget. Part 1 of 2.

The recession seems to have effected all aspects of our budget. Coupons are cut, debt is raked up and savings has disappeared. I have been determined to not allow it to bleed into our family social life. Weekends...especially in the insanely overpriced Boston..can cost a small fortune.
I decided I wanted to do up the weekend big on a next to nothing budget. Over the course of two weekends I gave myself the budget of 20 and 30 dollars. Check out how I did..

Weekend 1: The Boston Children's Museum.




The Boston Children's Museum is huge. Almost impossible to cover all of it in one day. My biggest recommendation if you'll be visiting is to go during the week. We no longer are afforded this luxury because Cis in school so Saturday was the day and it was PACKED. The location is beautiful and even with the rainy weather we got to take in the sites. BCM has been totally renovated in the last few years. Not only have they gone "green" but they have added so many new aspects to their three floors of fun including a new and improved bubble room, a light up, interactive dance floor, and a literal version of musical chairs.

Taking in the view...

Deep in thought...

Most local libraries in the area carry Museum passes that offer a discounted rate as long as you plan ahead. We got our passes about two weeks in advance and it cost us only 2 bucks a person and the Little Bean was free because he was under the age of 1. That's 6 buckaroos people! We also paid for parking since it was pouring rain and walking far was NOT an option. That luxury cost us 10 dollars.

Inside, we got to partake in a drum circle which Hendrix loved. C got into the fun as well and was playing the bongos.

Beat that Beat kid!

Baby Bongo Hands...

The water room has been completely redone from its old nautical theme to a "Peep and The Big Wide World" theme. I'm not a huge fan of the aesthetics but the water is there for splashing so we didn't hear any complaints from the C Monster.


We spent some time in the Baby Play area.




and in the "Kid Power" Science area.



We did up a delicious picnic lunch of Turkey sandwiches with chili Dijon mustard for the adults and tuna fish for the munchkin, watermelon, crackers, milk, and apple juice. We got a cup of coffee to go which brought our total to 20 bucks!
C mentioned half a dozen times how much fun he had had on the way home.

Success!

The Not So Evil Step Mother; Brotherly Love.

The bond between siblings is something only those of us with them can understand. I’ve never been jealous of only children and Ive always wanted a couple of my own. I have three brothers who I love dearly and I can Not imagine what it would be like not having them in my life.
When I became pregnant with Hendrix a lot of people showed concern for C and how he would be effected by the new baby. I never worried about it. Not once. C had some fears but for the most part he was pretty excited about his impending big brotherhood.








He talked to my belly.
He colored pictures to hang in the nursery.
He collected old toys to save for Hendrix.
He suggested names. and paint colors. and baby books.

We kept telling him...

“Just wait and see…he will be here and you will just love him. Just like that. One second he isn’t here and you don’t know and then poof! He is here and you love him. Like your heart always loved him but it was keeping it secret”

When I went into labor with Hendrix, C was in the waiting room. He stayed there for over ten of the thirty hours of my labor..waiting and waiting for the babe.

A bundle of nerves waiting for his bundle of joy.
The introduction to a new life. A bigger heart. A changed future.
Brother's building forts. and legos. and lifelong bonds.
Snowball fights.
Shared bath times.
Shared secrets.
Rides to school.
A best man.
Nieces and Nephews.
Family vacations.
Annual traditions.

Unfortunately because Hendrix nearly died in front of us and was swept off to the NICU, we couldn’t exactly bring him up to meet him. Even though he had waited and waited and it was nearly one in the morning.
When he finally got to meet his brother the following day we had to warn him. ‘You won’t get to hold him. He has lots of wires attached to him, but he’s ok".

He walked down that hall in the NICU with the bravest little face and when he walked in the room he went right up to Hendrix.
No hesitation.
Did.Not.Skip.A.Beat.
He just stared.
Then he teared up.
He let the biggest sigh out and he said

I.Just.Love.Him.
Just like I knew he would.

He held his hand and made us take pictures and cooed at his brother.

As Hendrix has grown C has not complained once. Not when he cries. Or poos. Or drools on him. Okay, sometimes he complains when he drools on him.
Christian has a little “baby” voice he used when talking to Hendrix.
He eats his toes.
He washes his hair in the bath.
He makes up nicknames for him.

Little Chub Chubs. Smiling Willie. Baby bean.

**This weekend** when it was time for C to go to his mothers, for the first time since Hendrix was born, he got really upset about leaving his brother. I knew this would happen eventually but wow it hit us all like a ton of bricks. It’s one thing for him to show sadness over leaving his dad. It’s inevitable and a part of divorce that really sucks but this was a whole new form of heartache for all of us.

When he said good night to Smooshy Sunday night, Christian held his hands and H just kept giggling at C. For no reason. Just cause he was there. This obviously pulled at my step-son’s heart strings and he started to tear up. He wouldn’t let go of H even though it was past his bedtime. So they just sat there.

Two brother. Holding hands. One giggling hysterically. One with tears of longing in his eyes.

When people say being a parent is hard, its moments like these that they mean.




**This post was written a few weeks ago...**